Almost Too Much!

It's been a few weeks since I wrote..... But it's not due to lack of discoveries about myself!

In fact, my openness to seeing my shortcomings has provided plenty of new revelations. It's almost too much information. I've been so busy processing the info that I hardly knew how to write about it.

But this is a good thing. That's the whole point... to be open to recognizing areas I need to improve.

It was also good for me to take a little break, including time for a trip out of state (which is something I rarely do). Being immersed for a week in a totally different environment was refreshing. It also helped me see life... and myself... from a different perspective. Certain things have become so much clearer.

One fault I was already aware of (talking too much) took on 3-D status during my trip. I found a whole new dimension to the issue that I hadn't been totally aware of before. "Thank you" to the people who shared their insights with me. I'll discuss this more in a future blog post.

Something else has become crystal clear to me: It's important that I be totally honest with you, and true to my own convictions in my writings.

I've had a tendency toward making my comments sort of "politically correct", sort of "one-size-fits-all", to write about self-improvement in general. Yes, I did mention that self-examination is a scriptural concept. I touched on my beliefs, but only in passing.

I'm now realizing that I need to express my thoughts and insights honestly, and hold nothing back. My blogging should be totally consistent with my own Christian perspective of things, because how else can I reveal what I'm really learning? I can't "water down" the message to avoid offending someone, or to make the message fit everyone.

People will either like what I write, or they won't; but I have to be true to me. That's the only way my writings will have any reality to them! And it's the only thing that gives this blog a chance of actually being helpful to anyone.

Like they say, "you have to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything". I need to share with you what I stand for. If I don't write with passion and conviction, it won't bless or edify anyone... including myself.

You see, self-improvement in my life is totally within the context of "Christ in me, the hope of glory", and "Without Him, I can do nothing (of any lasting value)." But "I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength." I personally don't try to improve myself in a vacuum, apart from my relationship with my Savior.

I know God has to help me in this journey. A person can try to improve himself/herself... and have some degree of success, perhaps, apart from Christ. However, as a believer in Christ, I know from personal experience how infinitely much better it is to let Him be in charge of my life, let Him help me see what needs to change, and then let Him come in and make the repairs!

He made me in the first place, and He knows how to fix the things I've messed up. He is awesome!

There's one more thing I want to touch on today. Probably all of us still have scars from our childhood, or more recently, that we need to be healed from. Many times we're not aware of them consciously. But as we seek to improve ourselves, the awareness might come forward... especially if we're asking God to show us.

I'm not saying we should do a lot of deliberate "digging" into our past, looking for old wounds. To me, it's best to just be open and let things surface by themselves, because there is a proper timing to all this.

For example, I recently had an experience where something triggered unexpected emotions. So, when this happened, I took time to reflect on it... and I soon understood the buried reason for the sadness I was feeling. I now know there's an old hurt I will need to deal with and be healed from.

Meanwhile, I'm at an interesting and challenging cross-roads in my life this year. Just as I was in the process of retiring from my job of 22 years so that my husband Tom and I could pursue our dream of starting an Internet-based business at home, the unthinkable happened.

Oh, I retired all right... and I am working on getting the business going. But simultaneously with my April 1st retirement, Tom was suddenly dying of esophagus cancer. He passed away April 5th, less than 3 months after his diagnosis. So our dream isn't happening exactly the way we had envisioned it!

I am still excited to be retired and following my passion... while also dealing with sadness over my loss.

So now I'm in a time of transition, and a time of reflecting over my years of marriage and parenting. There was lots of baggage along with the successes and good times, I can assure you. Not everything was fun and games. We made lots of mistakes.

Right now is a perfect time for examining myself, and for personal growth. I've been working with a trained grief counselor as I go through this challenging phase of my life. My new friends at a Christian grief support group really help, too. Most of all, the Holy Spirit really is a "comforter" to me, just as Jesus promised to his disciples before He went back to heaven.

Even though I am grieving my loss, I also feel a great sense of hope about my future. I don't know just where life's journey will take me, but I do know I'm in good hands. I know God has a plan for my life. This time of transition is launching me into new adventures. I know it will all work out okay.

By the way, I highly recommend professional counseling (and/or an appropriate support group) for anyone who feels they could use a kickstart to getting over some hurdles you might be facing. There's nothing wrong with getting some extra help and mentoring along the road to self-improvement. I should have done it years ago! But better late than never at all.

God bless you on your journey! Until next time...

Arline

Okay... I GET it!

I recently had one of my faults brought to my attention. It was actually kind of funny. It was something I already knew about myself, but now that I'm "examining myself", it seemed like events transpired to really bring it home.

I've been wanting to share this with you for a few days now, but I keep being busy, between getting ready for a trip, and technical issues taking up my extra time.

Notice that last sentence above. While it is quite true, it is also quite long! That sentence is a great example of how not to write well. It's also a sample of my natural writing (and speaking) style. It's easy for me to use waaaaay too many words to say something. It's harder for me to be brief and to the point. That's one thing I work on in my writing. Being concise is one of the things I'm trying to improve about myself.

Which brings me to the events a few days ago. Because I really tend to use too many words when I talk! And of course I don't have the option to edit spoken words like I do with written communication.

So what were the events? Two incidents happened in the same day that both had the same obvious theme.

First, I was working on my "About Me" blurb in the right column of this blog. I had typed a whole lengthy story of my life, including my Internet misadventures over the past eight plus years... and finally I hit the SAVE button. Lo and behold, I had exceeded the limit of words. It could have told me sooner, stopped me from writing any more, or something... but no. It waited until I made a total fool of myself and spent all that time rambling on and on.

Well, that was the written part of the self-examination, self-realization "test"... and I had flunked it.

Later that same day, I had the spoken words exercise. This was the funny one... embarassing, yes, but it had me chuckling at myself. And, yeah, I flunked this part of the "test", too.

I was on the phone with another middle-aged lady. She had brought up some philosophical subject, and I had gotten long-winded about it. I was sharing my take on things, hopefully encouraging her in the right direction toward a more fulfilling life. At first I could hear her saying "Mmm-hmm" or making other comments. But at some point I realized I was rambling on into dead silence.

Now, when I mentioned earlier that I had been having technical issues, one of them is that two of my telephones are simultaneously dying of old age! Just in the past three weeks! One phone won't even dial any more because the touchtones don't register. I can answer it, but there's a loud buzzing in the background. The other phone doesn't hold a charge for very long.

That's the one I was talking on. I had already heard the "beep" that alerted me the battery was low. But it was still working, so I kept on chatting back and forth with my friend. By the time I got on a roll, I had forgotten all about the low battery. So that's how God got my attention. The phone just died while I was rambling on and on. I got "put in my place" for saying waaaaaaay too many words on the subject!

When I realized I'd been talking on and on to no one, I also realized I had been saying pretty much the same thing over and over, just in different words, for the past few minutes! Wow, Arline, you really need to learn when to stop talking!!! I had already made my point, but then I just kept going over the subject like an out-of-control bulldozer. (Can you say "Overkill"?)

"Yes, Lord, I get it! You're reminding me that I talk too much."

I think there's a verse that goes something like "Let your words be few, and seasoned with salt." Or maybe that's a couple of verses mixed together. Anyway, it's a great principle to strive for. Our words should give life and be uplifting, not trample people or bore them to death. A few words, "seasoned" properly, will be edifying.

On the other hand, too many words are sure to bring problems. "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent." (Proverbs 10:19 RSV)

So that's something I'm working on. Wish me luck!

Okay, I've said enough words for this post, so it's time to stop.

Until next time.......
Happy discovering!